Ever Wonder?

In this world of internet friendships and relationships do you ever find yourself wondering what would happen if you just shut everything down?

You have made contacts online, friends, even all encompassing relationships…..what if you just closed it all up?

Deleted your blog, closed your emails, deactivated your twitter…..would anyone notice?  Would anyone care?

Remember @redheadrising?  She had to go, due to RL pressures….she is missed, this I know.  But, we are helpless to find her, unless you have a RL relationship with her already.  Does she miss us?

But I even wonder about the ones we’ve met, the ones we’ve formed a RL relationship with.  How long before they even notice you are gone?

It’s rather like the desire to be at your own funeral isn’t it?

ttyl….beth

Swim inspired erotica 2

As she hesitated he waited.  After a minute he spoke kindly.

“As I explained, it’s much like The Princess and The Pea; only a REAL princess can feel the pea through all those mattresses……well only a REAL slut can smell her juices…..no matter how faint.  Now,” he held his fingers to her nose, “What do you smell?”

Sheepishly she looked up at him “My juices Sir”

Nodding he prompted “And?”

She cleared her throat, her heart thumped as she looked into his eyes and proclaimed louder “Because I’m a slut Sir”

Her heart leapt at the pride in his eyes.

“And what do sluts do?” he asked

Her voice wavered just a bit “Have sex Sir”

His look told her he was not happy.

She thought fast and responded clearly “Have lots of sex Sir”

He smiled,  “What kind of sex?”

“Any kind, any where” she stated confidently.

He looked past her shoulder, “Would you like to help us prove that?”

She started, so lost in him, and glanced beside her.

A tall, well built and very dark, ominous man stood beside her, his dark hooded eyes looking down at her.

“I would love to” his deep voice sent shivers down her spine.

Before she could even take a breath one large hand reached into her hair and bent her head back painfully.  Her eyes were wide as his other hand reached between her legs and his lips descended on hers.

His mouth covered hers, his tongue filled her mouth at the same time as his fingers pushed deep into her wet pussy.

Her gasp was swallowed by his mouth as his grip on her hair tightened.

She felt him bending her back further, she felt his large hand opening her legs further, her skirt hiking higher….her hands wriggled in the air, seeking…..something.

Her head swam, his fingers thrust…..she was lost…..

Before she could think her body was convulsing, her whimpers swallowed by his mouth, her body slumping.

As the shudders passed she flushed with shame, her eyes were closed tightly as she could not face the rest of the patrons, but still, her legs remained open.

She whimpered as she felt him pull her, push her, using her hair to guide her.  Off the stool and down she went, her eyes opening as her curiosity got the best of her, and her eyes grew wide.

The cock before her, dark, long, hard….precum dripping from it…..her tongue was out, reaching for a taste.

She moaned as her head was held away, as she could smell him….but not taste him.

Her Master spoke “Ask”

She whimpered, she reached with her tongue.

Her hair was pulled tight.

“Please” she whispered

“We can’t hear you” He said

With a groan, her mouth salivating “Please, may I suck this cock Sir”

“Yes slut, very good, you may suck that big, hard cock”

Eagerly she opened her mouth wide…..reveled in that smooth hardness sliding into her mouth….

ttyl…..beth

Swim inspired erotica

They sat at the bar side by side, their eyes meeting occasionally in the mirror.  She was nervous, he was calm; he bought her another Martini, watching her intently as she sipped.

They spoke in low tones about their day, seemingly innocent conversation, while she tried to ignore the breeze on her bare pussy, her skirt short and barely covering it, her legs open as instructed.

Then so low she almost missed it “Wipe your fingers along your wet slit and feed your juices to me”

She took a deep breath and casually reached down.  Hoping no one was noticing she tried not to groan as her fingers touched her excitement.  She could not help but linger a moment…..then she slowly brought her fingers up to his mouth.

He licked them softly “mmmmm”

“Now push your fingers inside yourself, hold them there for 10 seconds.  I’ll count, then feed me again”

With a whimper she reached down, her eyes on his in the mirror, she struggled not to look around to see if anyone was watching.

She slipped her fingers inside herself and waited.  His voice was low as he counted, the seconds seemed endless, she found herself wanting to thrust….”10″

With a quiet sigh she removed her fingers, now sticky soaked and held them to his lips.  He stared straight at her for a moment, she wanted to squirm, knowing someone had to be noticing by now….and he slowly sucked her fingers into his mouth.

He let her fingers slip from his mouth and he held them to her nose.

“Can you still smell yourself?”

“Yes Sir” she whispered.

“Why is that?” he asked.

With a moan she mumbled out the response she knew he expected “Because I’m a slut Sir”

“I’m sorry, I did not hear that, louder please” he ordered

Her eyes pleaded with him, she did not think she was ready for this….

ttyl….beth

Day 7…..falling to CL

So putting one foot in front of the other is my mantra.

I miss my routines, I miss my friend, I struggle not to be sad.

But last night I did something I know I’m not ready for; I looked at Craigslist.

All the ads just seemed so superficial…..they probably are.   Lonely or drunken people posting to satisfy the urge of the moment, I need something deeper.  Something that will make me feel cheap, not easy *smile*.

I still don’t know if I looked at CL to find something, or to convince myself that there is nothing out there for me, either way it made me sadder.

When I had a Fetlife acct it did not do much for me, I ended up being contacted by more fakes or people looking for online play, than anything else.  I am past that.

If I am to continue my explorations, I want to do it in person.  Which is not easy, considering that I am not free.  I am actually leaning towards a female, a Domme, but there don’t seem to be many on CL.

Anyway….just some thoughts…..ttyl…..beth

Am I ready for this? My thank you letter….

As I said, I am transferring my favorite stuff from my old blog to my new one…..this was important to me, and still is.

As I struggle each day with missing him…..I knew this post was there and I waited….but here it is.  Written a few month ago.

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I once heard the phrase “I kept wondering what was going to do it?  What was going to break us up”.

I don’t remember where I heard it but it has stuck in the back of my mind for years.  Every once in a while it pops up as appropriate.

I always felt it was a sad phrase, it is said by a woman about a relationship that has just ended.  She is expressing that she went into the relationship with the expectation of the break up.

Now that I have so many new and dear friends it occurs to me more often.  I reflect on my relationships, lovers, friends, and wonder who I will lose, how and when.  And how it will affect me.  I went for so long as a loner…..it is scary to think that what fills my life full now will one day be taken from me.  Yes dramatic….but I can be that!

My owner has used the phrase “one way or the other I will own you forever”….rather Gorean, which we are not, but I understand what he means.  Some bonds never break.

I often consider giving him up for the greater good, but I know that is not true, my reasons to consider giving him up are selfish and self preserving.  He knows I “run” at the drop of a hat and has caught me several times trying to do just that.  Each time he dragged (drug?) me back and made me deal with my issues.

I am lucky he is so patient and caring with me.  As I have told him, I would have kicked my own ass to the curb long ago!

As each day comes and goes, new challenges are fought, new lessons learnt and our bond strengthens.

I have also learnt he is human….lol….no really!  A Dom with faults (shhh don’t tell him I said that), moods and room to learn.  That is something I really love about him.

I see new challenges coming at us fast, so before we get there I just wanted to say Thank You Sir….we’ve come far.

ttyl…..beth

Day 4

So I made it through today.  It was the day I was most worried about.

Luckily this week I am temping from home, that will keep me busy.

But I have so many questions, some I posted on twitter.

How does an unowned sub pick up a man in a bar?  I can grab a guy and take him home (or to the nearest alley/car) as good as the next girl….but that will be a short lived pleasure.

How odd is it that I’d rather stay home alone than go out and pick up someone that won’t be able to meet my needs?

I’m horny, I’m sexy, I love to cum, I love to make others cum (read men & women), but I need pain…..I crave Dominance…..I am not 20, I don’t want to waste time giving a simple blow job to a guy who does not know how to tug at my hair, how to gag me deeply, how to pinch my nipples till I scream.

In under 2 weeks I will have time to play….many plans had been made…but now that’s all changed 😦

ttyl…..beth

Day 3….and a little erotica :)

Today is a day with lot of little things to keep me busy.  Some work, some house hold and some personal….tomorrow will be a day of “busy work”.

I foresee issues tomorrow, trying to anticipate and head them off at the pass.

But this morning……let me share my masturbation inspiration with you……

She felt him get up from the bed and she could feel his eyes on her.  She was curled with her backside towards him, and she knew he was inspecting her body.  Admiring the bruises, the strap marks…..some old, some new…..some from him, some from the others.  She tried to keep her breathing steady but her lips curled in a small smile.

“Follow me slut” he said sternly.

She felt herself pulse at his command and she slipped to the floor, crawling behind him as he made his way to the bathroom.

With a sidelong glance he told her “You cannot fool me, your scent gave you away”

In the bathroom she knelt beside him as he busied himself with morning preparations.

“I must get ready for work and I would like to be entertained while I do”

She waited.

“Go get your toy” he ordered

She crawled back into the bedroom, took her favorite toy from the drawer and returned to the bathroom.  Her favorite toy was not fancy, merely a smooth dildo that slid very easily into her, that fit in most purses….and that was fairly innocent looking.

She waited beside him.

“Lie on your back on the floor, spread your legs and fuck yourself.  Bring yourself close to cumming, but do not cum without permission.” he instructed.

She was a little surprised, there was no real “foreplay” and she hated the bathroom floor.  She did not think it would be easy to bring herself close to cumming…..but one look at his face told her that he was not in the mood for a discussion.

With a heavy sigh, which drew a look from him, she lay on the floor and spread her legs.  She reached down with the toy and was shocked to find herself quite wet.  Her toy slid inside easily.  His eyes were watching her.

She could not help but moan as she pushed the toy in and out, her fingers wandered to her clit and she started to stroke it.

“Yes slut, stroke your clit, but fuck harder and faster” he said as he started to walk around her, taking care of his daily routine.

Shockingly she felt herself about to cum!  She slowed her fingers….

“Faster I said” he commanded

She groaned and moving her fingers faster she started to babble….begging, feeling the storm gathering, knowing it was mere seconds away…

“Please may I cum…please….please….Sir…may I cum?”

“No” he said

And she took a deep breath, trying to control her body.

“Harder” he said

She panted and pleaded…..”Please Sir…..may I cum?”

Her eyes met his and with a smile he answered “Yes slut, cum for me”

Her body arched as the spasms ripped through her, her cries echoed in the room and she came for him…..his eyes on hers.

PS…..true confession…..it took longer to write this than it did for me to cum to the thoughts this morning 🙂

ttyl…..beth

Day 2

Another day where things in my life are not as they should be, are not as I have gotten used to.

They say nobody likes change, I myself like change, I just don’t like losing that which made me happy.

I once read a blog by a sub who has lost her Master, I don’t remember the exact details, but what struck me was how she talked about spending days in bed, curled up in a ball.  That I can understand.

In a way having people around me that have no clue of my desires and my struggles is good, I have to put on a happy face and get through.

But all the habits that I had developed, which in reality are no different that brushing my teeth when I get up, or making the bed before I leave the house….they are habits that give comfort.  Those habits have changed, where is my comfort?

While I am busy, harried, stressed by the work I am temporarily doing….it is keeping me from wallowing.

And then there are those moments of deep sadness…..until I take a deep breath and push forward.

ttyl……beth

Day 1

Without Him.

Any owned submissive who has been separated from her owner knows what I am going through.

But Day 1 is almost done…..I will distract myself with silly tv…and then sleep early.

How about we start the fidelity discussion.

If you are married, and don’t have regular sex, or the sex you desire……if you are honest about your desires….at what point is seeking other relief ok?

ttyl…..very sad…..but trying to be distracted….beth

Some Shower Inspiration :)

I am about to jump into the shower, everyone here is either napping or gone out….I can use the 15 minute shower to bring myself to a lovely orgasm….these thoughts have jumped into my head;

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She walked into the room, dressed prettily in a flowing skirt and a soft blouse.  The blouse was open to reveal a tight low cami and some lovely cleavage, her feet were clad in black strappy heels.

He was standing in front of the coffee table, which seemed oddly placed.  She walked to him and waited.  He looked her up and down.

“Very nice, show me”

She turned and lifted her skirt, revealing her bare ass.

“Very good girl, now on your knees” he said as he gestured to the coffee table behind him.

As he moved she saw the wand taped to a leather u shaped cushion atop the table.  She saw the cuffs chained to the 4 legs of the table and the blindfold…..her imagination flew.

She knelt on the table and spread her legs and waited.  He reached down and attached her ankles to the cuffs, then kept his eyes on hers as he moved around and cuffed her hands, leaving her stretched across the table just enough to be uncomfortable.

He put the blindfold on and the room went dark, her ears tuned to the sound of his movements.

She felt him pull her skirt up, and reach around to unbutton her blouse.  He let her tits tumble out of her cami and she felt him fasten clips to her nipples.

He turned on the wand.  She waited, there was only the humming of the wand, only the gentle pressure of it against her clit.

Without realizing it she had started to press against the wand, her hips rotating.  He turned it up……

Her breathing grew deeper as she began masturbating against the wand, her fingers gripped the edge of the table as it sent waves through her.

Suddenly she was jerked out of her fog as he pulled up on the chain attached to the clamps, her nipples screamed, his hand grasped her hair and twisted her head towards him.

“Don’t cum until I do” he ordered as he shoved his cock into her mouth.

She gagged but recovered quickly, sucking and licking, the humming wand driving her to distraction.

Her hips rotated quicker, her nipples radiated pain through her body….she sucked him desperately.

She needed his cum, she wanted his cum…..she needed to cum.

With a growl he pulled out and came on her face, his hand pulling her hair painfully.

“Cum now” he ordered, she screamed as he pulled harder on the clamps.

Shamelessly she ground herself against the wand, the strength going out of her legs and arms as her orgasm hit.

She couldn’t stop, she couldn’t stay up…..she collapsed as he let her go…..

mmmmm off to shower now…..

ttyl, Beth