Archive | August 2011

A pain I could feel.

It’s odd, in all my life only 2 shows/movies have reached me in an emotional way.

Lots of people cry at movies, even Hallmark commercials, but it’s not my thing.  I’m not a chick flick person, I hate emotional movies, I love crime and mystery and blood.

But 1 show and movie made me truly feel the pain.  It may sound odd, but Sex and the City, the episode where Carrie told Aidan about Mr. Big moved me to the core.  I have always felt that often people tell their partner that they have cheated only to relieve their own guilt, in fact I have lived with that guilt and I know that the pull I felt to confess, was to remove the weight from my shoulders, and put the burden onto him.

I felt her conflict, I felt his pain, and hers, after she told.

Then the movie, when Mr. Big is conflicted about the marriage; Carrie’s pain on the honeymoon, it was palpable, and that I felt.

Most recently, the show “Saving Grace”, she has hit and killed a child with her car (sorry to be an episode spoiler), it is a complete accident, but the hopeless pain she feels, how it’s something she can’t take back, can’t fix; I could feel it.  How she wishes she could go back in time…and not drive down that street; I feel it.

How they both just want to be alone; to suffer alone, to process alone, and to hopefully move on alone, eventually.  That is how I feel when I get down.

What I am most curious about is why.  Why do I identify with these painful situations?  Why do I feel a lump in my chest, sick to my stomach, and tears in my eyes from these, but not from anything else?

Are the actresses that good?  Are the scripts?  Or is it something else?  Something I have yet to figure out?

“Food” for thought….

ttyl…. beth

Submissive = do anything to me?

Oddly enough one of the things I have enjoyed, and hopefully will continue to enjoy about my journey into submission are the new things I learn each day, and the great conversations I have with Doms, other submissives and people just interested in the lifestyle.

As I have gotten used to all the things I enjoy and surprisingly enjoy, things I’d never expected to want, I have now started to discuss and question the flip side.

Example; I love to be manhandled and used, but would I want a night with a biker gang that just abuses women?  No.

What’s the difference?  Caring and respect, yes that’s what I said, caring and respect.

The people I spend time with, and will want to get to know and spend time with in the lifestyle are the people that understand that submission is a gift and that accepting it is a responsibility.

A biker gang just looks at the body before them as a thing, lower than their bike and their dog.

A good Dom’s role is to push his submissive, stretch their limits, and his responsibility is to know where that limit is, and when it can not be pushed any further.  A submissive hands her control over to her Dom, trusting that he will push her, control her, and protect her.

Someone once said to me “I want to bend you, not break you.”  What fun would I be as a broken shell?

Actually my marriage has taught me that I don’t like myself as a shell.  I am working on my marriage and my goal is to make it work, but not at the cost of myself.

So are there submissives that just want to be used, and it does not matter by whom?  Absolutely, in fact the lower they are made to feel the better for them.  That is their kink, their enjoyment, that is what makes them tick.

But submissives are just people, we all have our own kink, it’s what makes the world of D/s go around, the differences, NOT the same rules for everyone.

ttyl, beth