Archive | June 2013

testing

I test everyone and everything.   Am I the only one?  I take no one at face value.

To this day, after being together for over a year I still test my beloved owner.

Does he always pass? Not always.  Is he slowly gaining more of my confidence and respect?  Absolutely.  There is no one in my life that compares.  I have always held people at arms length and Master has done much to earn better.

I adore him, I lust for him, I want, nay need him near me constantly.  But like any rebellious child I will continue to test him, as he tests me, but way more often, which is easy as my tests can be simple and are often based on opportunity.  The difference between our tests are that his are physical while mine are mental and emotional.

In fact this post makes me think,  when did he stop testing me mentally?  At this time it seems to be all physical with a smattering of emotion tests.

My tests can be summed up as tests of confidence.  When he says we will have a day together and then cannot make it, points are lost.  Do I understand? Yes but…..since our relationship is illicit it is more difficult to not view his excuses as questionable.  It is not a trust issue, it is more value issue.

I am submissive, ome who prefers a male dom, however I also feel most men cannot keep up even if I am sleeping.

Thank goodness I no longer feel the need to test Master’s intelligence, more his commitment to follow through.

This post is selfish, all about my issues, Master is beyond reproach, except by me and thankfully for us both he does listen when I express myself.

Expressing and testing…..beth