Archive | July 2011

Slut vs Cunt….scene 1

He found her as he had instructed; in basic position.

Her eyes were lowered, her hearing sensitive, she knew he was watching.

“Nice slut, how wet are you?”

Her hand snaked down and she felt between her folds.

“8 at least Sir” she replied

“mmmm, very good.”

Silence ensued and she waited.

“Put your plug in and show me” he ordered.

She moved to lay on her back, legs spread and pushed her butt plug into her ass.

She winced as it resisted…..she breathed deep and pushed harder.

As the plug reached it’s goal she felt her clit tingle and throb.

“Good girl” he said.  “Now turn on the vibe, and stroke my clit”

She moaned as her fingers passed swiftly over her clit and her juices soaked her.

“What have you found to fuck my cunt with?” he asked.

She produced a flashlight and he smiled.

“Very nice, now push it into my cunt”

She pushed it slowly against herself, feeling the walls give, feeling herself getting filled.

Her clit throbbed desperately and she knew it would not take much to cum.

“Now play with my clit while you fuck my cunt but don’t cum without permission”

She groaned as she did as he instructed, keeping the tempo slow, trying to keep control of herself.

“Fuck my cunt harder” he commanded

With a whimper she pushed the flashlight deeper and harder inside, feeling the walls constrict.

“Please may I cum Sir?” she whispered

“No. Stroke my clit faster”

She shuddered as she did as she was told, feeling shivers run up her back as she fought not to cum.

“Please Sir, I don’t think I can hold back much more”

Silence ensued, she could only hear him breathing.

“What are you?” he asked

Breathing heavily she answered “Your slut Sir”

More silence.

“Please Sir?” she whined

“You may cum after you tell me that you are a cunt” he said

A jolt of shock went through her, slowing her down.

“Harder and faster!” he commanded firmly

She throbbed as her hands flew, she almost sobbed as she held back her orgasm.

“Please Sir” she begged desperately.


Knowing she was losing the battle, and not wanting to displease him with her disobedience she gulped and whispered “I am your cunt Sir”

“No, you are A cunt”

She groaned…..the words did not come easily.

She could wait no longer “I am a cunt Sir” she groaned, shaking her head as she did.

“Cum now” he ordered, but it was not needed.

Her body shook and her head swam as her hands fucked and stroked.

She arched and her mouth opened in a silent scream as her body was shaken by her orgasm.

Her breath caught, her legs fell further apart and time seemed to fade.

As she came aware again she could hear his voice “relax and enjoy cunt”

She flushed and shook her head slowly.

“What is it?” he asked.

She could not answer.

“Is it about calling you cunt?”

She nodded.

“Don’t worry, we will discuss it later, it may not fit for us”

She basked in the afterglow of her orgasm and his love, secure in the knowledge that they would discuss it.


A desire

Well; I have many, as do we all……but for awhile I have had a strong one, that keeps taking over my thoughts, despite being…..unordinary.

The desire to be whipped, to be spread out, restrained and whipped until all emotion comes tumbling out.  Until my mind can no longer stop the raw feelings from bubbling to the surface.

Unfortunately an extremely painful and uncontrolled situation is the only way I see this happening.

Each painful strike of the whip will bring me closer and closer to a loss of thought, a loss of control and will allow my body, my emotions to take over, to feel everything I try to hold back.


Lessons and a peek

As I grieve for my close relative I learn.

I came armed for the greed of those that don’t deserve, I came dreading the allowances I would have to make to those that would demand, and I came ready for a fight.

Much has happened, and finally last night I came to some healthy realizations.

I felt guilty for these strong feelings I had to take over the care of the delivering of  this relative to the next world, I felt a bit like a pushy bitch.

But yesterday I realized that my feelings were of a protective nature.  She lived a life of independence and respect and she expected the same of those around her. I needed to be sure no one took apart her life, removed her independence and disrespected her.

In realizing why I felt so fierce, I am now able to do a better job.

But still, it is amazing how vultures just wait for the cash.

Another eye opener has to do with me and my emotional issues.

I am a care taker, I hate everyone, but help everyone.  I want to be alone but expect to be surrounded.

I stood fast in the funeral home, and over the last few weeks it’s my friends that have been my strength.  Family is only out for themselves, my friends have hugged, watched, and asked “are you ok?”

For me; the strong staunch one, those hugs are undoing and endearing.  I am filled with happiness to know I can lay my head down, for just a moment, and accept someone else’s strength.

I say thank you, to my friends, and to the world, or universe that brought them to me.  I would never have made it through this without them.  Well….someone would not have (Dexter laugh).

I told my bgf that I wanted to be alone…..then I was confused because I did not really want to be alone, I wanted to be alone, with strangers I could chat with, and with an internet access……I just wanted to be where I did not have to explain, excuse or be pressured.

It seems as if everyone wants something….money, things…time…..

She held my hand and let me cry as she clarified….”You don’t want to be alone, you just want to be allowed to grieve, and you want to stop being the strong one.”

And I cried.  I felt silly, but I cried.  I hate crying.

Now I shall think about how it is the strong one ends up feeling submissive….


Between 2 Chairs

I had a vision, an idea of a position that might be interesting in play, and I shared this idea with my lover…..and this is what happened next.

He placed two chairs in the middle of the room, two ordinary wooden kitchen chairs, and then he placed a cushion on each chair.  He helped me onto the chairs, one knee on each and my body tingled as I felt exactly what I had imagined; completely open and vulnerable.

I had noticed that when I was spread out on the bed I tended to pull my legs together as I struggled, and kneeling on the chairs prevented that.

I held onto the arms of each chair as he inspected his work.

“Comfy?” he asked

I nodded.

My heart started to pound as he slipped a blindfold over my eyes, and attached a ball gag to my mouth.

He pushed me forward from the waist and his fingers started to explore my wet pussy.  He spread my juices over my ass and pushed a butt plug into me.  The plug was larger than what I was used to and my cries filled the room.  He persisted and was rewarded with my trembling groaning body.

He then flicked on the vibrating wand and it’s touch was like a jolt of electricity.

I held on to the chairs as I jerked and yelped.  The plug had made my clit a swollen throbbing bundle of nerves and I wanted desperately to pull my legs closed, to jerk away from the wand but I could not.  All I could do was scream as he moved the wand back and forth.

My thighs shook, my body convulsed, I wanted him to stop, I never wanted him to stop, I arched and reached.

I struggled to catch my breath as he took away the wand and immediately followed by pushing his fingers into me.  He played with the plug as he pushed in and out, my clit throbbed, my head swam, babbling sounds came from me as he filled me.

He slipped away and I heard him rustle around.  Suddenly searing pain rushed through me as he attached clips to my nipples.  He pulled on the chain, watching me strain toward him.

He let the chain slap down against my body and brought back the wand.

This time he did not play, he did not tease, he pushed it hard against my clit and I struggled.  I was not tied but my hands pulled at the arms of the chair, I could not protect any of my body, he pulled the chain, he pressed the wand and all I could do was groan and beg.

I came in a rush, my body taut, arched in pleasure.

As my trembling subsided he took the wand away and I slumped.  My head hung and every muscle shook.

Little whimpers came from me, I groaned as he slid the plug from my ass, I gasped as his hand stroked lightly over my throbbing soaked pussy.

I could barely nod as he whispered into my ear “Was that what you were imagining?”


Slut VS Cunt

I like to talk about words, I like to think about words, I like to roll words around in my mouth, and in my mind, to see how they feel.

In my talks with various Doms, both the words slut and cunt have come up.  They have been used to refer to their subs, and even to me.

I have been getting used to the “title” slut, but the “title” cunt is a new one for me

So far, as I have mulled it over in my mind, I have found that for some reason the “title” cunt does not make me wet like slut does.

Somehow, “cunt” used on it’s own, without active context, seems to be without meaning, without feeling, without effect.  I might even go so far as to say it makes me sad.

But I must continue to mull it over…..and any comments or input would be appreciated.


The beginning of a new routine

My new Sir, what I shall call him for now as we have not yet agreed on a name for him, has begun a new routine for me.

My time in D/s has been filled with initials; M is my 1st dominant lover and one I still get to see…..story to come.

G; my bgf, whom I consider my soul mate, my love, my sweet sweet love.  Together we are a trial, together we are joy.

C; my first “stranger”, whom has unfortunately disappeared from my life because he decided to pursue his family commitments.  Understood and missed 😦 .  More than physical, our lively debates stimulated me regularly.

V; my “ex” owner, and I use quotes because once owned, does a sub really move on?

So now to find an name, or initial for my new Dom; it is currently being discussed.

In the meantime he has started with simple tasks; bp each day, nipples clamps each day, and starting to wear skirts again.  I do enjoy skirts but since I am not currently working outside of the home it often feels odd.  But, in a D/s relationship it is not my choice is it?  At this point I am just grateful he is not requiring no panties :).

The last few days, as I went about my day feeling the breeze on my legs I am reminded of my need to submit, as dampness grows between my legs I can barely resist the urge to spread them and offer myself to a strapping male passing by.

He is being very good to me, my new Sir, he is very understanding, and I am finding myself eager each day for his tasks, and I look forward to his approval.


Is it time?

March 16th, 2011.

The day he released me, the day I cried…..and many since.

Every day I miss him, but of all the things he taught me, one of the most important is to not let who I am, what I am, be lost forever.

So, with this in mind I have met a Dom and am considering a new D/s relationship.

Before I met “him” I never sought ownership, and after, it is not something I am looking for.  I am even tempted to stay in my shell and just go back to fantasy.  But I remember him, and all his effort would be lost if I did that.

So I have clicked with someone who is interested in tasking me, furthering my training and then who knows.

He understands that my true desire is to be with the one I believe I am meant to serve, and he will work around that.

I cannot have the other, but life goes on.  It is important that I explore the desires and stretch my limits, something I don’t do well alone.

Today I posted a pic…..the first task he gave me was to purchase a butt plug I will be “happy”, (ha) to wear daily, apparently anal training is to start immediately. *shiver*

Thank you sir, I accept your training outlines and am looking forward to being a good subbie (challenges and all) to you.