As I said, I am transferring my favorite stuff from my old blog to my new one…..this was important to me, and still is.
As I struggle each day with missing him…..I knew this post was there and I waited….but here it is. Written a few month ago.
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I once heard the phrase “I kept wondering what was going to do it? What was going to break us up”.
I don’t remember where I heard it but it has stuck in the back of my mind for years. Every once in a while it pops up as appropriate.
I always felt it was a sad phrase, it is said by a woman about a relationship that has just ended. She is expressing that she went into the relationship with the expectation of the break up.
Now that I have so many new and dear friends it occurs to me more often. I reflect on my relationships, lovers, friends, and wonder who I will lose, how and when. And how it will affect me. I went for so long as a loner…..it is scary to think that what fills my life full now will one day be taken from me. Yes dramatic….but I can be that!
My owner has used the phrase “one way or the other I will own you forever”….rather Gorean, which we are not, but I understand what he means. Some bonds never break.
I often consider giving him up for the greater good, but I know that is not true, my reasons to consider giving him up are selfish and self preserving. He knows I “run” at the drop of a hat and has caught me several times trying to do just that. Each time he dragged (drug?) me back and made me deal with my issues.
I am lucky he is so patient and caring with me. As I have told him, I would have kicked my own ass to the curb long ago!
As each day comes and goes, new challenges are fought, new lessons learnt and our bond strengthens.
I have also learnt he is human….lol….no really! A Dom with faults (shhh don’t tell him I said that), moods and room to learn. That is something I really love about him.
I see new challenges coming at us fast, so before we get there I just wanted to say Thank You Sir….we’ve come far.
ttyl…..beth
