Archive | October 2011

My Teddy Bear

I have always had a teddy bear to sleep with.

Even as I got older I had a teddy bear, of course then I told everyone that the bear was needed to support me as I slept, like a body pillow.

But now, when I pick up my phone, willing it to flash red with new messages, and I hold it close to me, hoping……trying to connect through the invisible wires of a network….I wonder.

Has my smart phone become my new teddy bear?  Is that flashing red light what produces the warm furry feel now?


My journey’s most difficult part

I lust, I enjoy, I want……..unfortunately I love, I hurt, I need.

The most difficult part of my journey is not physical, it is mental.

I have no one to talk to.  No one to confide in, no on to depend on,

no one to lean on… matter what.

Do I have a Master?  Yes…….but he is not always available, so what then?

The nature of a D/s relationship is total trust, total openness, resulting in total dependence.

So what happens now?  He is not there, due to no fault of his own, I need to open up to my confident…..and there is none.

What now?


A 1st meet….A Fantasy, Part 2

He came back to me and gripped my hair, pulling me back upright.

I yelped and my hands rose  in reaction.  Everything stopped and I realized my mistake.  Slowly I let my hands drop, hoping….

After a frightening minute he pulled my face to him.

“Lick me clean” he ordered

I gulped and started to lick his cock, taking it in my mouth, fearful of my first taste of my fluids mixed with his.

He grew hard in my mouth, I sucked him eagerly, wanting more of him.  He pushed his cock deep into my throat, he held my face tight to him, gagging me.

I heard him whisper “Don’t spill a drop”

It was not until I felt the warm liquid fill my mouth that the words registered.

I struggled to swallow, not to throw up as I got my first taste of his urine, of any urine.

Tears filled my eyes and my mind blanked out, liquid spilt from between my lips and still he held my face against him, his cock deep in my mouth.

It seemed like hours passed before I became aware of his hands in my hair, of the quiet room, of his scent filling my nose.

“You spilled some” he said with a sigh

He pulled me up to my feet, again by my hair, and he dragged  me to the bathroom where the large walk in shower was equipped with hand rails.

He had me stand with my hands behind my head again, legs spread while he went back into the room.

I was shaking, wondering what was next.

He returned with a small bag, he pulled 2 pairs of clover nipple clamps from the bag and attached one from each pair to my nipples.  He entwined the chains around each other, looped them through the hand rail, bending me down toward the rail, and attached them together.

Then he cuffed my wrists to the rail, and stood back to inspect his work.  He shook his head, detached the nipple clamps from each other and attached them to the wrist cuffs, criss crossing the chains.  The end result was that if I moved a hand, I pulled on the clamps, pulling painfully on my nipples.

He then pulled me away from the wall, walking my feet back, bending me over, keeping my legs spread.

“Maybe next time you won’t spill any” he said as his whip struck my ass for the first time.

I jumped and squealed as the clamps pulled tight.  He stopped for a minute, and I took a deep breath, stealing myself.

The next blow was followed quickly by many more, harder, faster, the whip curling around my body, the pain all blending together so I no longer could tell what was from the jerk of the nipple clamps, or the lick of the whip.

Finally he stopped, he freed my hands and let me sink to the floor of the shower.

I heard water running and he knelt beside me, this time his hands were gentle in my hair as he turned my face to him.  He pressed a cool wet facecloth against my face, gently wiping my tears.

“Very good slut” he whispered as he soothed me.


My Nemesis, The Butt Plug

I have to say it, I can’t pretend, I HATE the butt plug.

Do I wear it when I am told to?  Yes (well usually).  Do I use any excuse not to wear it, even when told to?  Yes.

But I have to be honest and ask myself why I hate it so.

Is it just because it hurts going in, no matter how much lube I use?  Is it because of the discomfort I feel as I walk, sit and move about?

Or is it because of the helpless horniness it makes me feel?  One might argue that helplessness is the very nature of being a submissive but somehow for me this feeling is different.

For example, say a Dominant has me tied up and is whipping me, using my body, or doing anything else he wishes with me, am I not helpless?  Well yes and no.  A good Dom is constantly monitoring his submissive so any adjustments or needs can be tended to, should he choose to.  And of course there is begging…..a submissive can always beg for relief and sometimes she may get it.

But there is no one to adjust, attend to or beg for relief when the damm butt plug is in and I am on my way to work!

There is only a feeling of wantonness, of wanting to spread my legs and get fucked, whipped, anything to relieve feeling.

I cannot control it, I cannot stop it, the damm plug just causes it!

So tell me…..why do I hate the butt plug so much?  Is it discomfort?  Or lack of control?


A 1st meet….A Fantasy, Part 1

I knocked on the door and waited.  Nervous, sweaty, heart thumping.

He opened it wide and stared at me for a minute.  Without a word he stepped back from the door and gestured me in.

He closed the door behind us and stood waiting.  I had my instructions, he did not need to speak.

I started to remove my clothes; blouse, skirt….slowing down as I reached for my bra, and slipping my panties down my legs.

I put my hands behind my head and stood, in just heels, with my legs spread and waited.  My eyes focused in front of me, but down cast.

He moved around me, circling, not touching.  Suddenly he grabbed my hair, gripping it hard, pushing me down to my knees.  I tried not to cry out but I was scared; not of him, but of me.  How would I really react this first time with him?  All the talks were just that…..talks.  This was reality.

He pushed my face to the floor, he kicked my knees further apart.  He held my face to the floor as he reached between my legs to roughly explore his cunt and ass.  His first touches clearly claimed what belonged to him.

He pulled me back up and turned his attention to my nipples.  I shut my eyes as I knew this was going to hurt badly.

“Look at me” he commanded

I opened my eyes and with my hands interlocked behind my head I waited.  I felt his hands circle my breasts, he stared into my eyes as his fingers settled on my nipples.  He began to pinch, hard…..harder, until my whispers turned to pleas, my eyes filled with tears and he smiled as he licked a tear from my cheek.

Finally he let go and I tried not to slump.

He removed his clothes as I watched, still shaking, the pain radiating through me.

He moved behind me, he knelt and slipped his cock into me.  I groaned when I finally felt him inside me, his hand reached around and grasped my nipples.

His nails dug into my nipples, his cock slipped from me and he pushed my head to the floor again.  His fingers pushed roughly into my ass, my very tight loose ass.  I felt his cock and I braced myself.

Hard and fast he shoved his cock into my ass, claiming it as his.  I cried out at the searing pain and he lay his body over mine, his hands once again finding and pinching my nipples.

Mercilessly he fucked my ass, each stroke ripping through me, my screams seeming to push him on.

My hands now grabbed at the carpet, my nipples burned, and my clit throbbed.

With a roar he came inside me, collapsing on me as he throbbed and filled me with his cum.

I lay sobbing as he got up.

“Good slut.  Stay” he said as he moved away.


Sore and Smiling…..a memory :)

*stretch* mmmmmmm

I smile as I think back to last night and the man my owner found
to play with me :)

He is quite hot, very sexy, and focused.

He started easy on me, laying me back and exploring me.
I have just been freshly waxed so I am smooth and still a little
achy....and very sensitive.  He quite enjoyed the smoothness,
and I enjoyed his tongue making sure to not miss a single spot.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when he grasped my clit between his
teeth and nipped it.  He laughed and grabbed my wrists as I moaned
and tried to pull away.  That act alone sent a wave of pleasure
through me.

As he nibbled and stroked, I alternated between delicious pain,
arching and trying to get silky pleasure.

He pulled my legs apart further, holding then open with his hands
on my ankles....another move I quite enjoyed :).

My hands pressed hard against the wall above my head as the
sensations washed through me, the room filled with my loud moans.

Finally he pulled me to the edge of the bed and turned me over
....his attention turning to my ass.  He pulled his bag of tricks
out and pulled me up onto my knees, my ass in the air, my legs
spread wide.....I do love being manhandled.

I felt him playing with my ass, I could not see anything as my head
was down on the bed, my breathing heavy as I waited.  I knew my
owner had given him some "painful" instructions....I jumped as I
felt the kiss of leather on my ass.....on my thighs, between my

I felt him pushing a plug into my ass, I groaned as each bulb
entered, and still the strokes of leather heating my skin.

Once the plug was in he pulled and played with it,
and I felt something else.  The plug and whipping had distracted
me as he had attached something to my pussy breath
winced through my teeth as he pulled at them, I could feel my lips
pinched tightly.

I arched as he slid a few fingers inside me, I gasped as his
fingers seemed to be everywhere, as he filled me and pulled at me.
My hands curled around the blankets as my mind struggled to catch
up with the sensations.

He replaced his fingers with something larger, I felt the cool
hardness of a toy slide between my lips.  I shook my head slowly
as he pushed into me, I realized it was a rabbit style vibe and
he held it tight against me as he turned it on.

There was nowhere to go..... I wanted him to stop, to never stop...
I wanted to jump away..... I wanted to spread body
shivered and convulsed as he moved it against me, held it tight,
.....I heard him chuckle as he watched me struggle and arch, 
as he listened to me fill the room with my moans, my groans, 
louder and louder.

My breath caught as an orgasm washed over me, I buried my face
into the bed, I pulled the blankets to me as I shivered, and still
he did not stop....he pushed me further over the edge as he moved
the vibe in and out, I held out.....I held back.....until I could
not take it anymore and I moaned out....."no"

He chucked...."need a breath?" as he pulled the vibe away.

I collapsed onto the bed....trying to catch my breath, I heard
his voice....

"Want a taste?"

And I smiled as I scrambled around to lie on my back, my head off
the edge of the bed, eagerly taking him into my mouth.

I moaned as he slid into my mouth, deep into my throat, gagging me.

mmmmmm.....what a lovely taste and feeling.

I think I will mull over the rest of the tasty details, suffice it
to say I was lucky enough to taste him.....and I look forward to
exploring more of his relentless persistence.  Today my clit is
a sore and constant reminder.....and I am smiling a lot :).

ttyl, Beth