Odd Musings

I’ve never been a very romantic or sentimental woman, as I am sure any of my regular readers know.  However I am think I was a typical teen, dreaming of that romantic prince charming, but that changed pretty early for me.  My lack of mushiness and cling has often been a source of surprise and even disappointment to some men.  Which in turn surprised me, as “cling” or attachment is a common complaint with men, but I suppose their egos have come to expect it.

I also have always paid my own way, and have difficulty accepting having someone pay for me, I guess it’s my own “I don’t need anyone”.

Lately however, I’ve been having some odd thoughts and musings.  I don’t know if getting older is changing me, or if being with the person I don’t really want to be with makes me look at things differently, but lately I have found myself watching couples in movies and TV and wondering what it is like to have a really deep loving relationship.  What is it like to be with someone you actually want around?  Of course, I can’t imagine ever wanting anyone around all the time, but still, to have someone who understands you (does any man ever understand a woman….and vice versa?), someone you can be honest with, it must be special.kissing

Sometimes I watch those really deep kisses (apparently just “because”) and I wonder what it’s like to actually want to kiss someone like that.  And to enjoy it, regardless of whether it leads to sex. 🙂

This is a short post…..mushiness is not something I do well, but, just some odd thoughts.



The Death Of Love At First Sight

You know…..I have never been a believer in love at first sight, to me it’s just lust….pure wanton sex.  Nothing wrong with that, but I am pretty black and white so if I say “love” I mean “love” …. not “you’re cute so let’s “…..”

Well….then I have to also say that “love” is not very important to me and I tend to take a long time before I express it.

Leading to the topic of “soul mates”.  If love is a hard find, how much digging do you have to do for a soul mate?  Really, there is 1 person out in this HUGE world that is perfect for you????

I do / did not really believe in “love” and of course not “soul mates” until I met a woman that I clicked and bonded with so quickly.  I even wrote her a “love letter” but I am now realizing that my first ideas were correct, at least for me.

The world is made of so many different personalities, and I believe that we are all needed somehow.

Imagine if we were all waiting for our “soul mates” or if we all felt any violence was wrong, or if we all should carry guns…. if we we all had the same beliefs, I don’t think we would have much of a life if everyone was the same and had the same ideas.

So…..I fell in love once…..which was when I was young, a virgin……still had stars in my eyes.  Next time I was not quite as nice….I waited many years and then when the next one came, well it was that crazy magnet and a HUGE mess.  I mean who messes around with their best friend’s gf ????  And that is only a hint, it was such an emotional crap shoot.

Regardless, twice burned, forever shy.  Like many women I had the “relative” or “teacher” assaults that were not “important” then so we all dealt with those things differently then.

Sadly some people turned to drugs, others to religion, and many either hid or logically explained them away.

No one fucks up this chick, except me.  So if I love, and it does not work, I accept that as my fault.  Which is why I went so long without love, just enjoying “fun” connections.

All this to say, the kink life has been fun, but not easy.  I had a few Masters that I enjoyed, and I had a lady I thought the world of…..but the true connections are not easy to find.

I believe there is no “love at first sight”.  Always be careful, ask lots of questions and NEVER feel bad for that.  If someone says “why don’t you trust me” Oh hell NO!  Always be safe and if they are real, they should not hide.

Goodbye my “soul mate”….. you did not really exist but for a hot flash.