27) Do you have submissive desires or fantasies that you have yet to be able to explore? Do some of your desires confuse or frighten you? Do they excite you?
I have so many.
I am lucky to have a Master with a very open appetite…..and the talent to bring the “confessions” out of me.
There are many things we have yet to explore, and many of them scare me.
We have explored “marking” and he has burned me…..which was an awesome experience that I relive regularly.
However…..like any pain hungry sub I have started to talk to him about cutting me. Right now my burn is in a place I cannot see, however it does itch on a regular basis….oddly enough I want to feel him slice a very sharp knife into me, in a place I can see, and explain. While I know I will need to be tied tightly down…..I truly want to see and feel the slice of the knife, the blood dripping, as he marks me again as his. Sick? Probably to many people it is…..but not to me.
In truth, even gang bangs are not so easy for me, I think a lot about the idea that he won’t look at me the same once he has watched me be used by a roomful of men.
There are many things we discuss that I never thought I would consider before but my need to bow to him, to be his object, his pleasure, leads me to consider such a thing.
Degradation is personal I think, and if someone were to try to degrade me by saying I am stupid, I’d kick his damm ass. But making me a dirty, slutty, nasty object, whose only purpose is to be used and filled, each hole abused….hey, that turns my crank 🙂
I thought it might affect you more, because you have been there and know how it feels to be in that position.
Powerful words. They came from my sister in the midst of all this… madness of the past week. So far no one else has made the connection. The truth is that we were not all that close to my brother. We did not grow up together. He made poor decisions, was immature, and not much of a brother to us. How do you mourn someone who did not contribute to your life or your family? All week I have been weighing the bond of “family” with a, for lack of a better term, mismanaged life. My immediate family has shown little emotion, little remorse in this whole ordeal. They say it does not come as a surprise, that they “expected” it. To me, that just adds to the…
26) What are the qualities you seek in a dominant partner and why? Are some qualities deal-breakers as in “must” haves or “must not” have?
If I were to seek, I would look for someone who can almost outsmart me *grin*, someone who has little fear or caution, merely common sense.
I need someone who can push past no, without actually causing irreparable damage.
Bend not break 🙂
I require intelligence and street smarts. Someone who can match my sarcasm and live up to my scrutiny. I test those I’m with, I trust very little. Someone has to be able to deal with that, and pass :).
Deal breakers…..one who wants/needs multiple subs. Arrogance….ignorance, I guess those are the same things I would stay away from in a vanilla partner too.
But I honestly do not think I will seek again. Perhaps in a few years, if I find myself completely alone, I may need to find that release, but I believe that eventually if I have the opportunity I will enjoy my aloneness. (not a word, I know)