This musing is about something I feel many conflicts about. My Master is a man who has very few limits and I think for the first time he has actually met a sub who is pretty open to many things. However humiliation and degradation are 2 (1?) of the issues I have problems with.
I am an admitted pain slut, I have certain particular humiliation turn-ons but many others make me cringe. And truthfully I am torn. I yearn to be driven to tears and begging for no more.
There are certain ones that are absolute for me, ones such as “piggy” or “slob” aimed at subs that struggle with their weight and “stupid” or other intelligence aimed insults. I also have issue with “dirty” type humiliation. Now, it’s not difficult to figure out why I have issue with these particular humiliation lines, I am a strong intelligent woman who prides myself on my intelligence, my constant care in my appearance and unfortunately weight vs food is a battle I fight daily.
However, I am also a very controlled person so when someone can cause me to lose control and wantonly chase an orgasm or a cock to the point of begging and humiliating myself…..merely the thought of that causes me to get very wet and throbbing. But there are things that are just beyond me. I watch the Public Humiliation vids and some I can handle, while others I struggle with and I have identified that anger is the concern I have. I don’t know exactly how the Public Humiliation vids work but I assume they are not completely staged, so if you have a bar that people go to and this sort of thing happens regularly, it is a public place and I assume the patrons are not interviewed. So while most of the patrons seem to be either into it or just watchers, what about the ones that have issues and see this as an opportunity to take their hate or anger out on an unsuspecting woman? While you might not see the difference I will tell you, from experience, a sub can feel the anger. Something is off, something is wrong, and the after affects can be devastating, even to a seasoned unfeeling bitch like me. In my situation I sadly had not a cushion, no “chaperone” but I after experiencing that type of situation I can tell you it is very blurred and communication may be difficult
I know that the source of many men’s humiliation is their size….or lack of, but honestly I have found that that category appeals to either Doms in training who are REAL Doms and go through a true sub experience to get there and to ensure they have a good understanding of what their sub might go through, or are true male subs Males subs I cannot speak for. I am fortunate to call 1 male sub (who switches too) my friend, he was and is a truly honest and kind person….but I digress.
While I have rambled, I would appreciate comments on this post as it is an ongoing issue for me.