Before it Fades

Going to a strange place, kneeling on a dirty floor in a cavernous dark room while  sucking 4 strange men’s cocks was a day filled with so many thoughts, feelings and emotions (not the same thing really) that I want to share them before they fade.

My Master maintains that I am a slut whose body takes over when the sex starts.  That I forget my logical concerns when my base sex drive is ignited.  This is one of the reasons he likes me constantly stimulated, he loves to see me struggle between the need to appear “normal” and the need to cum, no matter what is happening around me.

 Master likes to hatch these plans without telling me whats going on.  He will tell me I am going somewhere with one of my playmates and he will tell me that I am to do as I’m told and submit.  If it is a play date at a spot I’ve been before, for example one of their places or a simple hotel room, the idea that there are plans or people I am unaware of is something I can live with as I am secure in the location.

But when he arranges for me to go somewhere that I don’t know, and he won’t tell me where, it freaks me out.  He says I need to trust my owner, but if he cannot be there I have to trust myself.  Simply following him is one thing, when he cannot be there my self preservation takes over.  We all instinctively protect ourselves from the things in the world that we need to, so letting that protection go is what takes the effort.  I can only let it go completely when I am with him.

When I tried to convey the depth of my worry, one example I used was “I even worried about what socks to wear”.

Now that is silly, and that’s the point.  I was so wrapped up in knots that every silly detail was on my mind.

If I had known where I was going would I have been nervous?  Of course, but at least I’d have had more confidence that comes with knowledge.  So that was the first issue and emotion and something we are still discussing.

Entering into the place I was shy, and everyone was so “normal”.  It was more; “Which table would you like” instead of “Which view of the porno would you like” or “Where might you like to engage in public sexual displays?”.

It was all so “You can put your coat here” normal, instead of “There’s the horny men that are hoping for a live sex show”.

As we moved from room to room I tried to look around only furtively, never focusing on the faces of any of the men.  I was wearing my collar and putting my collar on always fills me with a feeling of being both sexy and submissive.

My playmate did not give me a chance to hesitate or back away, he kept his hands on me, guiding me and not giving me the chance to think.

And I did not.  As the first man sat in front of me and his cock came out I merely did what was natural, I took the cock into my mouth.  As hands fumbled with my top, reaching under and pulling out my tit to caress, I naturally tried to position myself to allow better access.

As the man stood before me, his cock spilling his cum onto the floor I obeyed the hand in my hair, holding me back to watch, then pushing me forward to lick and clean the cock.

As another man came forward and sat, as another cock came out, I naturally bent my head and took the cock into my mouth, licking and sucking.

Their faces were a blur, but oddly the look in their eyes were not.  One seemed stunned, like he’d just won a price and as if he’d never before won anything.  Another was more factual, as if taking a treat that was offered, more “Sure I’ll have one”.

Another seemed stunned, and kept thanking me even as I walked past him out the door.  The last I don’t remember, by then I remember only the cock.

So Master was right about my mind eventually taking mostly a back seat, and my body simply doing what felt natural.  How long could I have gone on?  How many cocks could I have sucked?  I don’t know, but I do think that my playmate made a good choice to stop when he did as there can often be a fine line between enjoyment and scarring.  For a first time experience it is good to be sure that it does not scar.

The last thing that I thought most about was the men.  I wonder what they were thinking and feeling.  Where we went is mostly about watching others, so actually getting a blowjob is not part of every visit.  Were they shocked?  Nervous?  Did they think of it later as they went about their day?  Did they go back another day wondering if I would be there again?

How I’d love to actually talk to them after and hear their thoughts…..but alas, I might be disappointed, after all, it was just a blowjob. 🙂

Just my thoughts…..before they fade.

ttyl…..beth

One thought on “Before it Fades

  1. Pingback: cumming on command | Loosing Control

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