Not wanted?

This is a topic that has been on my mind for awhile.  I hesitated to write about it because like many blog writers I have a concern about offending some people that I have met and trusted with my blog address.

However, the reason most of us start a blog is to write down our thoughts, much of the time anonymously.

I do not consider myself jealous, however, there are certain expectations I have from relationships that to me represent respect and lack of disposability.

One example of this is a dear friend whom I see regularly, for happy hour, and for shopping, swimming, you know, girl things.  However I am usually the one who calls her to arrange for things and this sometimes bothers me.  I know she tends to be shy, and she knows I work a lot, but I feel that if I always do the calling, how am I to know she really wants to get together?  Maybe she just does not know how to say no.

That is a small example of what I mean, and not one that I lose sleep over.

However, a good friend of mine knows that his wife is having an affair.  He discovered the affair by accident, of course, and knowing there were issues in his marriage he was unsure how to deal with it and he kept quiet.  Well now a year has passed, comments have been made, and she suspects that he knows.  So she has been more careful.

Now there is no obvious proof, except for the change in her affections.  She still seems the same, but things are just not as open, laughter is not as easy, and her kisses are not as warm.

My friend has decided to stay in the marriage and not say a word, for the time being at least, he always says that you never know what tomorrow will bring.  I smile when he says that as it’s how I treat every day.

I understand his reaction, the only thing I don’t understand and I don’t think I could live with, is the knowledge that not only does my partner not really want me, but he actually wants someone else.

I have a Master and I adore him.  But if I were to ever find out he wanted another, I would request my release.  I would rather be with no one than be with someone who wants someone else.

Is there a fine line between a relationship that has lost the true love, and one where you look at your partner and think “He’s thinking of her.”

I would rather be alone than be with someone who is thinking and wanting another.

What about you?

ttyl…..beth

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