I write this blog from a very sad place.
Over the last year I have been lucky enough to meet many wonderful people. I have also met some asses, which is normal I suppose, have to have balance after all.
Sadly I’ve lost some of those people for various reasons, but that is life. I feel fortunate to have held onto the 3 most important ones; my bgf (hello love), my lover Max, and my owner…..unnamed.
Unfortunately at this time I have to lose one of them.
While I have kicked and screamed to make sure this did not happen I finally have to admit defeat.
I will try to be kind / fair in my telling of this tale.
My owner is married, and his dominant needs are not being met by his wife. I am married, and many of my needs, including my submission, are not being met by my husband. That is how we met, my owner and I. A shared interest and problem I guess you could say.
Anyone who followed my old blog, or who knows me, is aware of how I moved cross country last year and started anew. It is very hard to leave behind friends and family and start in a new place, hope to meet new friends, find new activities, fill up the space that is life. I did it and I don’t regret it, but it has been hard.
Through it I had my owner, thought he did not start out as my owner, merely a friend who was there to chat when I needed someone. And also an advisor, as his experiences in the D/s world are vast.
I won’t go into the details, but one day it all just clicked and I belonged to him.
Tasks were assigned, training began and my life took on new comfort.
He understood my stress, and found ways to relieve it, coming up with inventive ways for me to experience pain without the people around me knowing what was going on because you see, pain is my stress reliever.
Unfortunately his wife found out what was going on, and started to threaten me. Mean, horrible nasty emails that cut me to the core. Does she have the right? After all, he is her husband.
My issue with a situation such as this is that HE (please forgive me Sir) is the one she should take her anger out on, not me. That is my opinion, and in this day and age; we are all allowed, in fact encouraged; to have our own opinions.
My understanding of their situation was that since she did not want to entertain his Dom side, he was free to indulge when they were not together, which was fairly often, as he travels for work.
Apparently she decided that the arrangement no longer worked for her. She just wanted me gone.
Well my owner would not release me, and I tried to keep most details about us off my blog, trying to avoid “rubbing her face in it”. However I am human and some things still slipped in, and some times I blogged things because after all, it IS MY blog and he is the largest part of my life; I just want to shout it to the world! And truthfully, she did not have to read it.
She did try to communicate intelligently with me a few times, but it seemed that as soon as I did not agree with what she said, she got mean again.
So finally I am giving up. I can no longer take her nasty mean harassing comments and emails. I am not privy to the details of their marriage, nor should I be, but my enjoyment of my journey has been largely hampered by her abuse.
When she sends me comments such as this; “you think you’re safe here? Cunt, you are not…you’ve pissed me off. You should have stayed where I couldn’t see you. But I guess you wanted me to see this…hope you wanted husband to know what your doing. Because have ruined my life…I think he should know too.” the vileness cuts me.
I’m sure many people will sit in judgement, because my owner and I are both married, but know this; we have never met. I have never touched him, nor him me. Would we have met eventually? I don’t know, I had hoped so. That does not matter now.
He is not happy, but he understands. As my owner his job is (was) to protect me, and he knows that the stress from this is now outweighing the benefits or our relationship.
So with a very heavy heart I have asked him to release me, and he has granted my wish.
Where will I go from here? I do not seek ownership, I never did (or should I say belonging? Perhaps that’s the problem.)
I have some friends that I play with, and I hope that what I have learnt from him I will continue to apply, to manage my stress.
But I will miss him horribly….and I wonder how long will it take for me to forget the tasks I should be doing for him?
I will probably be away for awhile, I need some time to keep myself busy so I will likely not write much. But I will be back.
ttyl…..very sad beth